To You...

They left me
with your shadow,
saying things like
Life is not fair

& I believed them
for a long time.

But today,
I remembered
the way you laughed
& the heat
of your hand
in mine

& I knew that
life is more fair
than we can
ever imagine
if
we are there to live it

-brian andreas

Worth Every Penny

Several weeks ago I went out to dinner with a friend... and then coffee... and then a little perusal of the treasures that TJ Maxx has to offer.

And while we were in TJ Maxx, I spent the best $2.99 of my life, for I discovered and purchased a little book entitled "1001 Ways to Meet Mr Right." Classic!

I had already gotten my three dollars worth out of it by the time we exited the store, as I had followed him around while he shopped for shirts, laughing and reading him ridiculous excerpts.

The woman who wrote this book is all kinds of serious about her topic, but my gosh, she is out of control. Not only does she give a full paragraph on each place to go, she also put pros and cons on some of her best ideas.

Allow me to share some of my faves.

Tattoo parlor - now on this one, she graciously listed pros and cons... the con she chose was "Hepatitis." Well yes, I would agree that hepatitis is pretty high on my con list, but she did also admit that most tattoo parlors in our era are clean

Writing your will - "...gives you the opportunity to have a face-to-face meeting with a handsome, eligible lawyer... do a little research and find a single, male lawyer..." Con on this one? "Lawyers may not be your type."

Maternity Ward - she does tell you not to go after the new dads, but holds out hope that new babies have uncles or that the new dads have friends. But really, let's talk about this for a bit. Are you supposed to wait until a friend has a child? Or do a stake out at the local hospital? She doesn't say, therefore I am flummoxed. Probably wont use this tip, since there was so little guidance. Also, no pros and cons listed.

Out with your brother - this one made me laugh out loud. My brothers are a pastor and a lawyer (not single, ladies, so don't ask him to draw up your will!) and I've often said that if I ever bring someone home, they'd have it worse off with the boys than with Dad. I just dont see D&E as my wing men.

In a car accident - "... certainly not to suggest that you should go around aiming at cars in hopes of getting in a car accident..." This one is kind of two for the price of one. She not only talks about the other person involved, but maybe even a cute police officer will show up.

Swiss Alps - if I spend the money to go to the Swiss Alps, and there is not an amazingly attractive man holding a sign that says "Lindsay - I am your Mr Right" I am going to be seriously ticked off.

The Mutual UFO Network - "If you have always had a fascination with outer space... consider joining." Words fail me.

In traffic - You'll be glad to know that now not only do you have to worry about someone talking on their cell, or texting, or just plain not paying attention. Oh no. Now there is a website called flirtingintraffic.com where you register and are issued a sticker for your car with an ID on it, so that if someone thinks you are cute and they are ALSO registered on this website, they can write down your information from your sticker (for the sake of myself, driving alongside these people, I trust that the stickers are gigantic, and the numbers are short, so there is not a lot of squinting and writing involved, to take their eyes off the road) and contact you. The con in this is obvious: "... only be effective if more and more flirtatious drivers catch on."

Working as a florist - "Sure, florists get a lot of men coming in to buy flowers for their wives or girlfriends. But sometimes relationships don't work out."

Proviso: If your sister, mother, wife, girlfriend, aunt or cousin is the author of this book, I apologize for any hurt feelings you might have gotten with the mocking tone you have most likely perceived in the above paragraphs. If you met your spouse in one of the above situations, I also apologize.

A Glimpse Into What I Believe

I looked up "faith" in the dictionary. Read through all the different definitions. Read them through again.

Funny, but I found nothing about it being a crutch.

And that's what I hear mine referred to as so frequently.

I'm not what we would refer to as an intellectual. So when I have conversations about religion with people who are smarter than me, I hear all their words, and wish that my thinking wasn't so heart based... but that it was more fact based.

It frustrates me, because I know what I believe. And though I'm a consummate people pleaser, when it comes to my faith, no amount of pressure from anyone is going to rock my solid relationship with Jesus.

One of my friends asked me awhile ago what I believe about God. I replied that I believe in a God who is fully vested in my life - both day to day, and eternal.

We all get hurt in life. We all limp. Some limp more than others, because their pain has been deeper, more traumatic.

But it's what we do about our limp that determines how we live. We can get angry at the accident that caused it, and turn bitter. Or deny that it's there, and live a hampered existence.

Sometimes, I think, it takes more courage to admit that the pain is there, that we're not perfect, and that using a "crutch" will help our quality of life, instead of limping along in growing frustration.

You may scorn my Crutch... but He's willing to be yours as well... if you'll let Him.

Cell Phones - Love mine. Hate others.

Texting has been a major problem throughout my current training class. So yesterday I tried a new tactic.

I greeted the class in my usual, and often excessively cheerful way.

"HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!"

"Happy Friday!" was the we've-not-quite-had-enough-caffeine-for-you response.

"We're going to start today with a GAME!" (still manic face, big smile, excited voice)

"YAY!!" caffeine intake forgotten, I had their full attention

"This fun time is called the (face change to stone) 'I'm really sick of telling you to stop texting so take out your phones and line them up on this table' game!"

Not fans of this game, my class.

I, on the other, had one of the best mornings ever.

As of yesterday at 4:30, my class reached the end of week seven, which means that we are officially half way done.

And even after the game we played that morning, the class did not renege my invitation to their "Glass Half Full" party last night.

But when I walked into the Puritan Back Room, someone did ask if they all had to put their cell phones in the middle of the table.

Hating Goodbyes This Day

I hate goodbyes, so it stands to reason that I've never been a fan of death.

I remember as a little girl, panicking before Grandma Springer's funeral, because I just couldn't handle the sorrow.

And I became even less a fan when in college my tight-knit group of friends learned the lesson that we're not as invincible as we thought, when we lost one of our own.

So, I just don't think about it.

I'm the one who only likes to watch funny movies.

Who doesn't like to hear or read sad stories.

Who desperately tries to see the silver lining... even if there isn't one.

But when I got the call this morning that I lost a co-worker and friend I was reminded again of how much I hate death.

I know that as a Christian, death is not final. But when you're the one left behind, it can often feel that way.

He knew I played keys, so he came to church with me two weeks ago to hear. Neither of us knew that as of yesterday, he'd be lucky enough to be enjoying in person, what we were singing about.

Wish I could hug you one more time, Sir.

Until then, I'll be the one down here... looking for that silver lining.

Things Unfinished

Most of us have them.

A closet full of half finished works of art...

A garage with various projects strewn around...

A drawer filled with "possibilities."

Tonight I found mine in my writing files.

I was looking through half written poems, blog posts, songs, letters... my life in snippets.

Words that wont meld to my will.

Little glimpses of my heart.

That may never be seen by other's eyes because the right words are elusive.

I would no more show them to the world than a seamstress would wear a skirt unhemmed.

Though I am frustrated with them for being stubborn, and myself for not being able to finish them... they are my creations, nonetheless.

And I feel a strong affection for them, even in their unfinished state.

Memory Lane

I was just reading my blog and realized that next month I'll reach my five year anniversary of being a blogger.

So many words - so many memories.

It's strange to go back to the beginning and read it... in fact, some of the posts made me cringe. Not the content as much as the writing style.

And yet as I read, there were common themes. The themes that are still forefront in my life.

Relishing in the joy of being an Aunt
Missing Mindy - and longing for eternity to spend with her
Sometimes struggling against, and sometimes embracing my single status
How growing hurts, but how it's worth it

But most of all... my relationship with Jesus... with all it's raw emotion, and joyful abandon

And I realized, though my writing style has changed, and though I am five years older, happier, and much more grounded... The important things in my life are still the same.

And I was glad.